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Relate to Love ♥ "How Do You Keep the Music Playing"

"How Do You Keep the Music Playing"

By Will & Odette Hooks | Published January 15, 2010

Why do some relationships have that so called staying power? While others seem to crash and burn shortly after take off. Can the average Joe or Jane really achieve longevity in a relationship? Or does a person have to come from the planet Krypton or be a Greek goddess to truly experience the joy of life long love? As it relates to love, the question “how do you keep the music playing” offers an opportunity to reflect. In doing so we are able to rekindle the fire of our past as we explore what makes for a long lasting relationship?

Will: Speaking from a personal perspective and using our marriage as a reference to address the question that is posed. I would simply suggest that having a strong foundation is the key to having a lasting relationship. If it is built on anything less; i.e. sex, greed, opportunism, infatuation, or lust, it will not last.

Odette: I agree. Like mixing cement, sand, and water to create a firm and lasting foundation for a structure, a relationship should have no less binding elements to ensure a successful outcome. In our case we had a strong friendship, a commitment with a shared common goal and God.

You and I where like Batman and Robin, the Dynamic Duo, Bonnie and Clyde. You didn’t see one without the other. Whether we were out shopping, at the gym, grabbing a bite to eat, or just chillin' at home, there were no strings attached to our friendship. We simple enjoyed each other's company.

Will: That’s so true, and although I know there are those that will disagree with the notion of no strings attached, but that’s the truth. The idea that a person can go from not knowing anything about another person into a relationship with intimate tendency on the near horizon is quite frightful to say the least. The important thing to remember about our friendship was the openness we had in communicating with each other.

Most men, myself included, will not open up and communicate on issues that are close to their heart with someone they are intimate with as they would a close friend with whom they can relate. The friendship was the proving ground for us to determine if we wanted to go beyond being friends. When we became more than friends somehow the equation changed. As friends we never had one argument or fight, but when we became an item our differences then rose to the surface. But I credit our foundation as friends as the key component that held us together.

Odette: As friends we discovered that we shared common goals in life. I wanted to be successful, I wanted share my life with a person that shared the same values and dreams that I had. Having set goals for my life I was focused and committed to improving my quality of life. I was fortunate to find in you someone who shared my vision for life. I knew what I wanted and I knew what it would take to get there. And then, you can around and touched my heart, as Johnny Gill would say.

Will: “Well my, my, my;” I couldn’t agree more. Based on my past and the struggles that I had come through as a young man, I knew that I wanted more out of life that what I had left behind. I also desired to build my future with someone that brought more to the table than drama and negativity. What I found in you was someone that had overcome her own trials and tribulations and yet still had a dream, drive, and the determination to pursuit it.

Odette: The third component was God. That’s right, I said it, God. I remember the night before we got married; we were at the church for the rehearsal. After the rehearsal you walked up to me and said, “I need to talk to you.” I could tell you were very serious. My attentiveness was concrete and my eyes were locked on you. The first words out of your mouth after that were, “I can’t marry you.” OMG! I thought very calmly, why and what happened between the end of rehearsal and that moment. You began to tell me why and I really understood. That evening I did exactly what you asked and I thank God for that very evening every time I think of the foundation of our marriage.

Will: Of course you know my grandmother raised me, and it was her teaching me early on in life to be truly successful at anything, you must make God a part of your life. Even though I had grown up and gotten away from family and God, I still remembered the way I was raised. All be it true, you and I had been living as a married couple for over a year, yet we were not married. I knew in my heart I was disobeying the teaching of my grandmother and God.

I was so convicted that night during rehearsal that I had to make it right. I wasn’t sure how you would respond, but amazingly you felt the same way. My instructions were clear, find a place in the church to be alone with God, ask for his forgiveness of our sins and the life we had been living with each other, and in the same prayer ask God to now bless the union we were about to enter into as husband and wife. I went up to the balcony and knelt down and prayed that prayer, I’m not certain where you went. But, one thing I am certain of, God is still honoring our prayers to this day.

In conclusion we’ll concede that there are different strokes for different folks, and that there is no one size fits all, especially when dealing with matters of the heart. Yet for us, starting as friends, sharing a common goal and making God the centerpiece of our marriage, has made the last twenty years worth every moment together, including the good, the bad, and the ugly. Having this foundation has proven to be the secret to the success of our relationship and how we keep the music playing.

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Romeo's Question for Me - WHAT’S MOST IMPORTANT?

Romeo's Question for Me - WHAT’S MOST IMPORTANT? (Exclusive Straight from Lakesha's Blog)
Current mood: confident
Category: God will Provide Romance and Relationships

ln the end What is more important to you the love you share, the memories you have or the lover?

My answer:
The love that I'd share would be preciuos and most important. Memories are just that ... memories, a thought from the past. We can hold on to memories but there's nothing like having the love of your life (IN LOVE WITH YOU) right next to you, in your arms or in your life. So I would have to say that the love shared would be most important to me in the end.

Throughout a relationship feelings change. We find ourselves full of love, passion and desire; it seems to be never ending. But when times are hard all you have is memories of how things use to be. Someone could be with you physically but if the love is no longer there what do you have? I don't want to have a lover just for name sake ... just to say I go to bed with a man every night. I'd rather have genuine feelings involved. It's hard loving somebody when they don't love you back.

So the love that I'd share with my companion would be very important to me and the only way to establish unconditional love is by building a relationship on a solid foundation ... build it on friendship first. When I'm interested in a MAN sometimes he won't even know it because his friendship is what I'm trying to gain FIRST.Its a suttle approach but WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT? I'd rather watch and learn him from a DISTANCE than to be right up on him giving him room to IMPROVISE and CHANGE UP HIS PERSONALITY JUST TO IMPRESS ME. Oh no, I want to see what his character is like from afar ...

I got off track a little bit but my point is this; when you have a strong foundation you can build high ... the base is strong. When you have a weak foundation, you can only put so much pressure on the base so essentially you can only build your house but so high - you become limited.

I don't want to be limited in my next relationship. I want to be his girl, his lover, his friend, his partner, his helper, his backbone and his second wind! So while we're running this race, before he gives outta breath I'll be there to take the baton and run on and vice versa. Noting would be more important than having the love and affection of the person that I love. Because once its gone all you have is a memory. And just having someone by your side without love is very senseless, emotionless and those types of relationships never amount to anything.

Sometimes men get so use to women throwing themselves at them until they don't even know how to react when a woman is just simple. When she just takes the old school route. Sometimes it even becomes hard for them to visualize me as a WOMAN - they get so use to being my friend. When God does bless me with someone who can return my love I'll love him unconditionally with no restraints, and I'll make lemonade ... I'll take the good with the bad and make it sweet like lemonade.

Much luv2u all,
Lakesha Woods

Nurture Your Relationship with Extra Love, Warmth and Passion

By: Michael Douglas

There's always a certain glow on the face when it's the beginning of a relationship. You do everything possible to please your partner and vice versa. The romantic candlelit dinners, long walks, buying gifts, staying up all night talking and then ... well, doing more than talking! Everything seems so perfect but as time passes by, you find that there's something amiss in your relationship.

There's no spark, no fire left in it. And suddenly one fine day you wake up wondering 'Is the romance dead?' Well don't worry. There are ways to retain those romantic gestures long into the relationship.

Love-grows-deeper

It's true that you may miss those moments when you and your partner used to look into each other's eyes or hold hands. But think about it this way - over time, your relationship has grown deeper, bringing with it trust, comfort, security and the true intimacy that comes from knowing someone so closely. New romance is always exciting, but fleeting. It's important to appreciate the wonderful things that come from time rather than novelty.

Make Time

In this fast paced life there are many commitments that one has to fulfill. But then these were existing even at the beginning of your relationship and you used to manage to take time out for your partner. So that means you can reschedule your plans once again. Take time out for your mate. Perhaps you could forgo your dance class for a day for a candlelit dinner or get up little early in the morning to make breakfast together. Or plan a weekend trip. The point is not to take your relationship for granted. It's as important as your other priorities.

Talk to each other

When you get to know someone you tend to tell them about your life, your aspirations, your secrets and hearing theirs in return. But when you feel you know someone inside-out, you feel there's not much to communicate. Instead, you complain about daily irritations, you focus on the trivial, instead of the meaningful. There's always more to learn about each other. Even discussing current events or asking your partner for their point of view on a problem. Only discussing the surface of your lives leads to estrangement. Eventually, you'll feel like that connection that you had at the beginning has disappeared. Keep asking questions about their life and sharing memories and stories and continue to build on that connection, rather than letting it fade away.

Go the extra mile

It's easy to be lazy in a relationship. You stop saying thank you or saying "I love you". It doesn't take a lot to make a little more effort to be considerate and appreciative, but it's easy to forget how important it is. Remember at the beginning of your relationship when you were so eager to surprise your new lover with a breakfast or a spontaneous little gift? Don't forget that. Pick up a bottle of wine when you know your partner's had a bad day at work, make some soup when they're feeling ill. These kinds of actions will make your partner do the same kind of things for you. Let your mate know that he is still important and worth making an effort for.

Find out what each of you expects

The two of you go into separate rooms and each write down his or her idea of spending quality time with their partner. What does it look like? What does it feel like? Then you can share it.

Keep the fire burning

If your relationship is still important to you, then it will be well worth a little more time and effort. Don't slack off and don't take your partner for granted. Love is like a plant. It needs consistent, careful attention to thrive. Without it, your relationship is destined to wither away.

Michael Douglas is a relationship expert and he provides dating tips for singles and married couples at his website www.datersmanual.com. Also, share your own thoughts and comments on his latest articles about discreet relationship & love and infatuation to be published online.

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Reject to Fight to Fight for Love

Written By Lakesha Woods

It is said that if you have to work hard for something you will appreciate it. But there is one exception to that rule. The exception is love. If you have to work over time to gain the love of someone then you won't appreciate it when they reciprocate the feeling. Love is so funny! Love is so good! Love is so sweet! Love is so kind! Love makes us feel happy! Love makes us feel bitter! No - Love does not make us feel bitter; that bitter feeling comes from resentment and if you resent someone you are having feelings of anger. Constant feelings of resentment toward another person ... that's not love; love and resentment don't mix! If you look up synonyms for the word resentment, hatred is one of the words on the list. Knowing that love and hate are two separate emotions, we have to be honest with ourselves when making the decision to fight for the love of another. Don't believe the sayings and old wives tales; that if you give him or her some space he/she will come around. It's true to an extent, because in SOME cases, the one that's right for you is standing to close to see, but in MOST cases ... you were never the right person. What we have to do is learn to accept NO. Knock the egos off our backs and keep moving. Everyone has a choice and if you just happen to NOT be their pick ... don't worry about it. Don't waste your life away wondering why? I can say this because I've been rejected once or twice (LOL) and no it doesn't feel good, but there is one thing that I learned. I learned that I was insecure. WAS insecure ... I use to think of so many reasons why I wasn't desirable to the person at that particular time. In actuality, beauty was not an issue, my children weren't the issue, my attitude wasn't the issue (at first) but as time went on my attitude became the biggest object that stood in the way. When you know your worth, NO means no instead of ... something’s wrong with me. You may never know what the REAL reason(s) are (behind the rejection) but when you are a confident person you won't EVER try to find out. It feels so good loving somebody when somebody loves you back ... Words to the Wise ~ take or leave it.

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What Women Want

By: Rion Williams

Look at pictures of 50 Cent with women...and who do you think's reality is it? His reality or the girl he's with? She is happy just to be 'near him' and even if you
take away the celebrity of men like this, if they still have a strong reality, they will still have hot women in their life.

I've said before that there is still hope for the average American man who really understands natural attraction (without having to be termed as a player or seducer);
in fact you can live the lifestyle of your dreams while also giving women what they are looking for. Of course our women bring a lot of great value and excitement to
life (why men fall for them in the first place), but I'm looking at the other side because men are feeling a lot of confusion when dealing with independent women.

Women are dying to finally meet a man who can just be someone who does not put up with her drama or puts and keeps her on a pedestal. Unfortunately because it has become so much a part of who she is, it works out for the both of you to have a short-term relationship. Otherwise her natural independence and diva like behavior will automatically infiltrate your lifestyle and create a shaky and unstable ground because that is where her reality is based off of.

Of course women will say that they want the attention and to be put on a pedestal; this is only because this is her perception of reality and what our society has programmed her to be. It is denying everything that is universally biological about her, and that is why she cannot explain it.

Women have so many more options other than 'just' to be a mother nowadays. That is why things are different from what she says she wants in a man and what she will often accept when she does find a man (no matter his looks) who knows how to trigger even any little part of her biological
unconscious behavior. That is why she will often accept men who are ugly fat and balding only because they did not put up with her high-level crap and instead treat her like a lady where she is second and he is first ((because that, I'm sorry but that is the way it's supposed to be (and I have proof) and that is
what women want)).

The 40 year old virgins that we have are a result or byproduct of everything that is going on (which I go in detail in my book as the 'forced reality'). This is a blatant slap in the face to the continuance and existence of all humankind. It is a very serious problem, even though we may laugh at it at
the theater.

Okay the guys of us who of 'got some' may laugh at the theater but we may all actually know some guys who do not know how to be successful if women. This is NOT natural at all, I believe these men DO know how to perpetuate and go through the process of natural attraction in order to procreate; but all of this cultural junk and garbage has gotten in the way.

The pervasive 'forced reality' which is perceptual (yet so real) has covered what women want. Women still want a man to be a man (and this is just as real). Unfortunately the effects of feminism encourage men to be 'sensitive' towards women. This may stop most men from trying to be 'dominant' towards them.

You see all these ads with women biting men or men at their heels or service; this is part of the whole problem; but nothing has changed what women want underneath. In fact they want a man to be a man more than EVER. How do you give women what they want? Read my book 'Mens' Guide to Women'.

How can guys like 50 Cent live in a candy shop and most (American) guys are still so frustrated? Well if you look around, there's a candy shop of women everywhere who are fixing themselves up and waiting for a real man. Of course they are competing with other women but for what final purpose? To attract a real man. You can't let their now inherent 'drama' throw you off; they're not going to tell you how to act. You have to BE the man who has boundaries.

This works for short terms relationships in what I call the AMP (accelerated mating process). Today's women are very sexually aware and repressed. They don't want to keep attracting jerks. They are wondering why their physical counterparts don't 'get it' and have had to settle for less in many cases even to relieve their sexual repression.

Women want men to be men who define their boundaries respectfully (and at the forefront) and then the woman can choose to be with him or not. Ironically, this is what she is massively attracted to because the paradigm is finally set naturally and because no other (healthy and balanced) men are doing this.

About The Author

Rion Williams offers a free newsletter subscription on how to have 'natural success with women' and dating.

You can sign up for the free newsletter just by visiting his website 'http://www.mensguidetowomen.com/E_player.htm' You will receive some free
bonuses as well and you can then read about his 352 page unabridged 'Men's Guide to Women' instantly downloadable eBook. It will change the
way you think about dating and women forever.

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DO LOVE LETTERS WORK?

I love you, do you love me circle yes or no ...

Remember that? Writing a love letter will probably never be as simple as that again. However, the question still prevails; do love letters work? This game is for the couples. Write your spouse a sweet, tender, romantic love letter. Set a standard and name your prize. If the love letter intrigues you to submit it to Relate to Love, then your spouse has won your heart again. If the letter doesn't sway your heart enough to submit it to our column then the reader must teach the writer by improving the love letter. The writer must also be at the mercy of the reader for one week! Have fun!

All letters submitted to Relate to Love will automatically be entered in Enjoy Life's first Annual Poetry Contest. All contestants must be 18 years old or older to compete. Please email poetry@enjoylifenews.com for rules and additional information.